Wed, 14th Mar 2012 | Talisman | 646 Views, 2 Nods.

The Bullshit Buddha (Agony Uncle To The Stars) letter no.8

'ello again readers.
It's me again. Your favourite ol' cockney wiseman, ready to impart some of me
wisdom to the public.
'ere's another letter that passed me doorstep.


Dear Buddha

I have a teenage daughter, and she has recently brought home her latest beau to
meet us.
Now, I am no prude, but, let's just say, he was not what we would call 'boyfriend
material'.
He's a total layabout, and takes advantage of our daughters sweet nature.
How can we convince her that he's wrong for her, and to move on?

Sarah
From Oakhampton


Buddha

Sarah, luv. This is the sort of thing that really gets me back up.
And, bein' a dad meself, even I've come across this sort of thing. You'd 'ave thought
they would 'ave seen sense when they first met me an' the wife. But some of these
bloody toe-rags 'aven't got the sense they was born with.
One such meetin' springs to mind.
So, there we was, sittin' at the table. Me tryin' to 'old me temper, the wife lookin' as
though she's gonna stick a fork in this little shit's wanderin' 'ands, and me daughter's
sat there, now realisin' what a prat this lad was and wantin' rid of 'im.
Then there's 'im.
'e's sat there, thinin' 'e's lord of the manor. Tatoos all up 'is arms, 'air like a bleedin'
shite'ouse brush, and 'e must 'ave been clumsy as a child, 'cause it looked like 'e 'ad
'alf a set of meccano stickin' out of 'is boat race. What a tit.
Anyway. Ten minutes of this, an' I'd 'ad enough. 'e 'ad to go.
So I 'elped 'im leave the front door sharpish. 'e must 'ave been pickin' tarmac out of
'is teeth, an' toe nails out 'is arse'ole for a week.
Job done.

So, Sarah.
It's not your daughter that you've got to convince. She's a lady.
It's this lazy ponce, sat on 'is spotty 'arris. Get rid, the sooner the better.

So remember readers.
'til we meet again.
You should always respect a man's daughter...Especially when 'e's got an 'andful of
your Niagra's.