Wed, 14th Mar 2012 | Talisman | 847 Views, 2 Nods.

The Bullshit Buddha (Agony Uncle To The Stars) letter no.8

'ello again readers.
It's me again. Your favourite ol' cockney wiseman, ready to impart some of me
wisdom to the public.
'ere's another letter that passed me doorstep.

Dear Buddha

I have a teenage daughter, and she has recently brought home her latest beau to
meet us.
Now, I am no prude, but, let's just say, he was not what we would call 'boyfriend
He's a total layabout, and takes advantage of our daughters sweet nature.
How can we convince her that he's wrong for her, and to move on?

From Oakhampton


Sarah, luv. This is the sort of thing that really gets me back up.
And, bein' a dad meself, even I've come across this sort of thing. You'd 'ave thought
they would 'ave seen sense when they first met me an' the wife. But some of these
bloody toe-rags 'aven't got the sense they was born with.
One such meetin' springs to mind.
So, there we was, sittin' at the table. Me tryin' to 'old me temper, the wife lookin' as
though she's gonna stick a fork in this little shit's wanderin' 'ands, and me daughter's
sat there, now realisin' what a prat this lad was and wantin' rid of 'im.
Then there's 'im.
'e's sat there, thinin' 'e's lord of the manor. Tatoos all up 'is arms, 'air like a bleedin'
shite'ouse brush, and 'e must 'ave been clumsy as a child, 'cause it looked like 'e 'ad
'alf a set of meccano stickin' out of 'is boat race. What a tit.
Anyway. Ten minutes of this, an' I'd 'ad enough. 'e 'ad to go.
So I 'elped 'im leave the front door sharpish. 'e must 'ave been pickin' tarmac out of
'is teeth, an' toe nails out 'is arse'ole for a week.
Job done.

So, Sarah.
It's not your daughter that you've got to convince. She's a lady.
It's this lazy ponce, sat on 'is spotty 'arris. Get rid, the sooner the better.

So remember readers.
'til we meet again.
You should always respect a man's daughter...Especially when 'e's got an 'andful of
your Niagra's.


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Fri, 16th Mar 2012
Im guessing the Bullshit Budda is one of your things Talisman and it is a great invention, I love the ideo of it and just so you know this is brilliant.
Nod+ (0)
Fri, 16th Mar 2012
Leave a pregnancy testing kit in your daughter's bedroom. That should scare him off.
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Fri, 16th Mar 2012
Brings back memories of my first love Jayne Marsh, only I didn't have tattoo's but I did end up being told off by her old man and the good Lord above.
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Wed, 14th Mar 2012
Bring back crucifiction that'd sort the boyfriends out
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Wed, 14th Mar 2012
does your daughter have a Daddy complex by any chance?, the apple never falls far from the tree you know.
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Wed, 14th Mar 2012
Another for CTaylor's competition.
Wise words, I think you'll agree.
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